Labels! Why do we use them and how do they limit us?

rainbow pride

With Pride Day fast approaching, the hot topic in our household is gender and sexual orientation—gay, straight, and trans. Many of the previous generation chose to ignore this topic if it did not affect them. Many, even if it did affect them, decided to ignore it. I may have been included in that category at one time.

When I was young and very accepting of all things, I couldn't understand why it mattered who someone chose as their partner in life or sex, as long as they weren't pushing their affections on me unwarranted. An old person might say that was a very ignorant stance, and I agree; there are more things to consider, and I was ignorant too. As I got older and had children of my own, I was told that homosexuality was wrong and against the Catholic faith. This is ironic, as there was so much going on behind the scenes with abuse and homosexuality. I am not here to discuss that, but I did try to defend the church a time or two for their stance, mostly because I had my own past I had to do penance for.

So, of course, my big concern with my children was their safety and the safety of their souls as any good Catholic mom worth her salt would be. Well, that was what was driven into my head—I needed to make sure my kids were going to heaven because it would be a long time before I arrived. I would be in purgatory for a long time. I had a debt to pay for my teenage years and what I put my parents through. Yes, I had run away from home and stayed gone for over nine months, which was never forgotten by my siblings and parents. In fact, it was still brought up regularly at family functions as if I hadn't proven my worth since then. I was more than a teenager. I was a full-grown woman, wife, and mother with eight children. Hadn't I proved how devoted I was to my faith and my family? Wasn't I good enough for their acceptance and forgiveness for some crazy things I did as a teenager? It never really seemed that way. I was labeled the black sheep, the troublemaker. Even though I was raising my children and a shining example to the community. To my family, I was still the one who broke away for a short time and inconvenienced them. No one wanted to know what I had gone through, too scared to go home and face the punishment of running away. Eventually, I had to go home due to an illness, and I crawled back, as they say, with my tail between my legs and stayed, trying to prove my worthiness to my family. Until I left NY two years ago. 52 years had gone by,  I finally started to heal from the labels that had always been placed on me.

I should mention that I had my own children, and let's just say the apple didn't fall far from the cart. I paid my debts and then some. My two oldest girls gave me a run for my money.

I ultimately knew my girls would eventually see things my way. But here's the kicker: I actually began to see things their way. Yes, I could see that as a mother, I was trying to protect them, but ultimately they taught me that I had to let them make mistakes. It was their life, their lessons, and I could and would always be there to pick up the pieces.

So, what does this have to do with Pride weekend? Well, the youngest ones want to show their support and may even be questioning their own place in this world. Even at the young ages of 11 and 8, they could be one of the above-mentioned labels.

I am not here to say if they are or not. I will, however, make a comment on the labels. Why do we use them, and how do they limit us? As most Generation X mothers will say, it doesn’t matter who you love; it matters how you show them you love them and if they, in fact, treat you with the same love and respect a true partner should. Sidebar: there is the whole sex thing that does not have anything to do with choosing a partner, and as I'm not about to get into that, it is a discussion that has too many variables and factors. I will however discuss how the labels have limited so many people.

I have some thoughts about the labels that have been put on me. It seems that I have always been trying to live up to someone's expectations based on a label they gave me or one I gave myself. Granted, self-imposed labels can be the most devastating, usually brought on by childhood trauma. I recently painted a series of images I had envisioned when discussing what labels can do to children. It took me 35 years to get to this version of mothering, and I write this as encouragement and insight to those who are wondering so you don't have to go through all the trials and tribulations I did. Alas, most will still have to find their way. I offer this as encouragement on the journey to where you want to be.

sweet child

If we label anyone, we are putting a brick on their potential. As a sweet child, we had limitless potential. We could be and do anything. As we aged and became young adults, our parents and teachers started throwing on our load. Unknowingly, they placed labels on us—little nameplates. Our siblings and peers do as well. By the time we are adults, coworkers, bosses, and society put their labels on us. Soon we are buried under what everyone thinks we are, and of course, we have labeled ourselves as well. We are sick, gluten intolerant, asthmatic, depressed, neurodivergent, and narcissistic. Are any of these labels helpful? Do they bring us together or unite us? No, they keep us separated.

Too Many Labels

I can say that most of the things I have been called and tried to live up to have made me unhappy most of the time. Why can’t I just be me, the unique being that the source of all created to experience as much as possible and absorb it for the universe? We are all fragments of a consciousness that wants to live.

We are here to live and experience all that life has to offer. The source of all that is acknowledges the fragments of itself and their uniqueness. Each fragment is like a consciousness crystal, sparkling and shining in its own specific way. No labels, just shining brilliance reflecting the light. The words of wisdom I have shared with my youngest children are as follows. Forget the labels! Just shine!

Just Shine!